I hate the "Final Arrangement" ads....

I feel a senior moment coming on
The calendar stares at me in black, white and sepia. Try as I might, I can’t change the reality of dates as they swiftly approach.
In recent months, dates such as April 3 have commanded my attention. That was election day, and it was a big deal to folks like journalists, unethical political consultants and yard-sign makers. In a few weeks, I’ll focus on the date when we publish a special edition. We fondly call it Gradzilla, because gathering the names of all high-school graduates is a monster task.
But for now, I’m zeroing in on two more dates. On those days I will visit schools in Blue Springs and Independence to speak in career-day programs.
I’m comfortable in front of groups, and I’ve addressed kids many times. So why should I feel differently now?
Maybe it’s because I’ve crossed the threshold and actually become what my son started calling me more than a decade ago. Something that’s anathema to the whippersnappers I’ll be addressing: Geezer.
A few months back, I hit 55. When the calendar turned, I became a candidate for age-related safe-driving courses, specialized insurance solicitors and even an occasional senior discount.
I can only pray that Depends remain a long way off.
Of course, my family and friends have poked fun at my gray hair for years. I found my first silver-colored strands while in college. But now, after looking at my hairbrush, I’m just happy to have any gray left on my head.
As they say, it beats the alternative — and I’m not talking about Grecian Formula.
I guess there’s just no denying that I am old. Why, I even remember when the Royals were really good and the Chiefs were really bad.
What more proof do I need?
When I turned 55, I also became eligible for early retirement. Oh, it’s not gonna happen anytime soon. If I surrendered my keyboard now, my pension might be visible with a microscope. In terms of corporate numbers, at least, I’m not so old, after all.
Of course, my son will never believe that. A few years ago, I told him that if he was going to tease me he had to do it right. He had to show some creativity.
I soon started hearing things like: “You’re so old … that Noah gave you your first boat ride.”
Soon his friends, and even my wife, were contributing such day-brighteners.
But I haven’t heard any for quite awhile. I wonder if the calendar has moved too many pages and they want to spare the old guy’s feelings.
Nah.
And neither will the kids at the career-day events. They might think I’m chronologically challenged, but I haven’t lost all of my skills.
In fact, I can still do something that few kids today have ever experienced: Program a VCR.