Damn Wisconsin Banana Police

Rest easy, Madison, the banana cops are on the case.
You don't have to worry about being overcharged on an undersized banana in this town.
Trader Joe's on Monroe Street had its "Welcome to the Banana Republic of Madison" moment earlier this year when it was busted by the city's weights and measures department for illegally selling bananas for 19 cents each.
To be fair, this is actually a "Welcome to Wisconsin" moment, because the law that city weights and measures inspector Cindy Lease was enforcing is a state law.
"I can't change the law. I just tell them what it is," Lease said. "It's been the law for a long time."
Under section 91.03 of Wisconsin Administrative Code, it is illegal to sell bananas any other way than by net weight. Lease told Trader Joe's it had two options: Either install produce scales - like the vast majority of grocery stores - or weigh the bananas and sell them by the bag.
Trader Joe's chose the second option, put up a cute sign about "fruitful" matchmaking in the produce aisle to announce that "bananas are no longer single" and could be purchased by the bag at 49 cents a pound.
This did not warm the heart of single- banana lover Darlene Gakovich.
"Now you have to buy huge clumps of bananas," she said. "I like to buy two, three or four bananas, all at different stages of ripeness."
She has complained, so far, to the store manager, to the city and to state Rep. Spencer Black, D-Madison.
Gakovich is not at all mollified that this law is designed to protect her, the consumer.
"They claim the consumer might be shortchanged by buying a small banana at the same price as a big banana," she said. "I'm so angry. I don't even want a bigger banana. I think the small ones taste better."
The folks in charge of these laws say Gakovich should aim her banana elsewhere.
"I don't think the problem is with the law, the problem is with Trader Joe's deciding not to have scales," said Judy Cardin, section chief of regulation and safety for the state Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection.
Cardin, who is chair-elect of the National Conference of Weights and Measures, says Wisconsin's law isn't much different from those in most states. She said the laws are "fundamental consumer protection" because they allow consumers to easily compare prices between stores.
I do appreciate the weights and measures inspectors' work when they're making sure that store scales are correct and that the gas pump at the local station isn't cheating me out of any of that oh-so-expensive gasoline.
But, like Gakovich, I think I'm perfectly capable of judging whether I want to spend 19 cents for a banana.
Lettuce look at those state rules. They allow lettuce and cauliflower to be sold by the head, but not cabbage.
I don't carrot all about how I buy my carrots, but section 91.03 does: Carrots with tops can be sold by the bunch, while topless carrots must be sold by the pound. Can you beet that? Yes. The same rule applies to topless beets.
I know this sounds like sour grapes, but explain why, under state law, you can sell Concord grapes by the quart, but all other grapes must by sold by the pound?
And, someone leeked it to the media that you can buy leeks legally by the bunch, but their cousins, the onions, only by the pound.
How do you like them potatoes? It doesn't matter how you like them. Here in Wisconsin, the potato police have squashed your right to buy them by the piece.
Personally, I think they can kiss my asparagus - after weighing it, of course.